The dead all say the same...|
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Daunted Forlorn's LiveJournal:
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|Sunday, March 22nd, 2009|
I stare at you, faded dreams,
Conjured love, jaded lies,
To let it go, too much pain,
To keep it on, too much pain,
Walk away, jaded dreams,
Miss your love, faded dreams,
Was a lie, I did my best,
To conform, to your wishes,
so now they're lost, Faded dreams
please forgive my, Jaded lies
|Monday, October 27th, 2008|
I am posting this in response to the surprise I had when I came to Livejournal.com and discovered it still actually existed. Weird.
|Friday, March 14th, 2008|
|Tuesday, August 7th, 2007|
not comming to redding, my bad. Did get a new phone though! Same number, so give me a call so I can get your number added to it, my old phone doestn't even turn on so ah, yeah...can't access my phone list
|Thursday, August 2nd, 2007|
I'm gonna be comming up to Redding not this weekend but next so ah, yeah, I got an itch for the lake....
|Monday, July 23rd, 2007|
I actually posted this in myspace last week...just..felt the need to do it here...even though no one's on this stupid thing anymore...I could post a nuclear attack and no one would notice :)
Working three jobs sucks....wait, I've already bitched about that. I GOT A NEW CAR!!! that's the reason I opened this damned thing, so used to bitching almost forgot ;) So it's death to my camry, oh for joy :) There is a small little part of me sad to see it go, but it's greatly sufficated by the overwhelming sense of GLEEEE!!!! If not for the fix-it ticket I got for it, I'd never touch the bastard again, side driving it to a field and setting it on fire. So anyway, bought a 2001 Mitsubishi Mirage for dirt cheep (salvage title). It's pretty sharp looking and drives really well, and it's a manuel which means it's FUN to drive :) Both headlights work, the A/C is CRISPY cold, has no body damage (side a few dents on top you only see if you're looking) it has windshield wipers, it's duct tapeless and THE DOORS OPEN!! All things my camry does not do or have. I no longer have to do the Duke's of Hazord entry, and the ghetto passenger side exit. I'm on my way to the DMV today to do all of the paper work stuff, and to get more tires for it, so, I"m stoked :) MUCHO thanks to mom for helping me out with this and driving me all over Frisco to find it. I'm so very stoked :) All's I need now is a new phone, apartment, better job.......shit never ends, but at least I don't have to be embarresed about driving through life anymore, BONG!
|Friday, June 8th, 2007|
|Thursday, March 15th, 2007|
March 31st I'm homeless. YEAY!
|Thursday, March 8th, 2007|
|don't have to hide from the cops anymore....
I FINALLY registered my car today, after spending nearly 300 dollars. 70 for smogging (15 in Seattle), and 198 for registration (75 dollars in Washington)...thats.....205 dollars CHEAPER than Washington...fucking california, I swear. Here's the crazy part, my car PASSED smog! That pos spews exhaust into my cab when'er I come to an idol, having a huge hole in the 'cadilic' converter (I put single quotes around that because I have no idea how to spell it). So, how it passed smog is beyond me. But it did, hurray. Best thing about this whole thing is I no longer have to HIDE from the cops! I mean, i probably still will and all...being a creature of habit....but at least they'll need a legitament reason for pulling me over now! yeay! oh...and my phone works again! yeay! you can call me! not that anyone ever does....not quite shure why I spent nearly 500 dollars to fix my phone...anyway, there it is...yeay!
|Thursday, March 1st, 2007|
put a gun in my mouth and paint the wall with my brains. I'm so tired of moving. I'm so tired of being broke. I'm so tired of having NOTHING work out. I don't think the thundervalley jobs gonna work out. Apparently I'm OVER qualified for the school, and they wont return my phone calls on whether or not I can just audition. fuck. I'm so sick of my life being like this. I wasn't even this stressed out in Eureka, and there was always the chance of a police invasion there; what with the massive quantities of pot my retarded roommates fucking stored and smoked. I know she's the little sister of a friend and all, but I'd take pleasure in watching her scream benieth the scratching claws of a hungry lion. her throat would spirt out blood like a supersoaker as the lion's fangs rip through her ignorant skanky flesh. I hate her. I hate her boyfriend. I wish them pain. But alas....I am merely just frustrated. I'm all packed, and found out today that we HAVE to honor the 30 day notice of departure regardless of the fact it's the OFFICE'S fault where still in this shit hole. assholes. I'm gonna go before I punch a baby outta pure anger....oh, and my gi-bill's all fucked up to boot. wont be getting paid for a WHILE!!....fuck
|Tuesday, February 13th, 2007|
If not for the most understanding and beautiful girlfriend I've been absolutely blessed with, I'd be on a killing spree. Blood would flow through the streets of Rocklin as the muddy waters of the Nile cuts through Egypt. I'd stand on top of my apartment building, the spinal cord of an innocent bystander clasped in my hand, it's head still attached and hanging by my side. No stress is more potent and frustrating than that of finances, and I am all but run out of patience. I can taste blood not of my own, and see only red. My finger itch to corress an itchy trigger, and my fingernails longs to nestle into the warm entrails of an adolecent silver spoon fed child. Oh the irony that I have descovered my calling and have found the means and contacts to obtain my dreams, yet I am unable to have it all for lack of founds. Founds that at one time were of no obsticle. Founds I'm now willing to spill blood for. I am but a simple man in a complicated world and only want the simplest of things yet denied for complexities of not my creation! This is a burning weight upon my soul. I will not panic. Not yet. I will not eat. No cash nor food. I will wait. For time solves all issues with focilation, extinction and or death.
|Thursday, February 1st, 2007|
|Signs of Death
Life sucks sometimes. This is not a revolation, it's nothing new, I'm not expressing anything any one else havn't already expressed. But it's true. As right now. Life sucks. I think there's something seriously medically wrong with me. I woke up last night in a panic. not because there was a monster under my bed, but because I couldn't breath. I couldn't breathe because the fluid in my stomache had somehow managed to go up my esophagous and clogg my breathing pipe. It was a mixture of gasping for air, choking, and a sever burning sensation from my stomach acids. I ran into the kitch and drank a gallon of water, hoping to counter act the burning, but it didn't work. I tried throwing up, thinking that's what I needed to do. Nothing happened. I forced a sever caulgh, didn't help. After a good while things calmed down. I began to breath normally. I went back to bed. Laid down. As I laid there, I slowly began to feel my throat spasming again..because it was happening all over again. I sat up instantly. It went away. I just sat there, leaning against my headboard woundering what the fuck was going on. Eventually I fell asleep. This almost happened a couple of days ago. I was on the couch with Jamie. We were both taking a nap, each using an arm rest as a pillow, my feet by her head, her's by mine, it was nice. I woke up in a panic! I almost kicked her. I caulghed and caulghed. She didn't know what was going on. It first happened in Eureka. I fell asleep on Brian's floor after dealing school, and he was working on his documentary. When I woke up, I thought i was dieing. I don't know what it is. Everyone I've talked to about it has never heard of it before, but all agree it sounds serious. On top of that, my phone has been shut off. That's what happens when you don't pay your phone bill. But you can't pay your phone bill if you don't have the money. You can't have the money if you don't get the GI Bill. YOu can't get the GI Bill until you pay for your classes. You can't pay for your classes because you're not getting the GI Bill....do you see the predicament I'm in? Fucking life sucks sometimes. I can't call Jamie. I can't afford to go home (redding) to do what I promised to do...I just wanna...punch a kitten.
|Monday, January 29th, 2007|
I'm mainly posting this so I'll have it for class, copy and paste...that kinda thing...read it if you want, tell me what you think :)( Read more...Collapse )
Dude, I just had the craziest night...I wasn't even supposed to work tonight, but I covered a shift for a guy who hooked me up in the past. I get to work and immediately walk in on Rickie, (Assistant Store Manager), getting yelled at by a large woman in a neck brace. She was freaking out about 7 dollars on her account because she kept a movie for well over a month and was charged. She was calling him an Ass and a Fuck face because he refused to take the charge off the account...because it was rightly there, she's not special. So, that was fun. his relief, Maria, shows up looking like shit. She's sick. So Rickie asks her if she's alright, she says she is. He leaves. I'm checking out customers and Maria is sitting in the corner ready to pass out. Her friends are talking to her. About an hour later, her friends rush her to the hospital. So there I am, alone, Sunday night, no keys to the store, and people keep piling in. Fuck. The line was long, I was juggling calling other stores for another manager to come, checking out customers, and answering stupid questions. One woman didn't understand the concept of a 'credit', I was like, "You have 4.28 on your account that you can use for anything, free movie, candy, whatever." She was like, "But, can I get it on my credit card?" "No, I can't without a manager, and she was just rushed to the hospital, so it's just on you account." "But I want to use it for a movie in the future." "You CAN. You can use it for WHATEVER you WANT. 4.28 is the price a MOVIE." "Will it be there when I come back?" "YES!" "But can I get it on my credit card?" I almost punched her. The line was REALLY long at the time, so I was just trying to get her out of the store. She eventually left, confused, whatever. It turned out alright, and actually was kinda fun. But Rickie had to come back. He was pissed. Because Maria should've called in sick. He basically put in a thirteen hour day, and has to open again tomorrow. So he didn't want to do a damn thing. So we didn't. I bought some soda and some candy and we just bullshitted for five hours. We closed ten minutes early, much to the dismay of some people who showed up at the last second. But we didn't care. We left before 11:05, which is amazingly fast having supposed to have closed at 11. But anyway...that was my crazy ass night. :)
|Thursday, January 25th, 2007|
| Pan's Labyrinth, outstanding
Just saw the movie "Pan's Labyrinth". I HIGHLY recommend this movie to all! It was absolutely wonderful. It's been a long time sense a good fairy tale came out, and this one didn't disappoint. It's kinda gruesome at points, but whatever. It's subtitled, because it's in Spanish, but that's okay. I would put this in my top three movies this year. I HIGHLY recommend you to go see it.
|Thursday, January 4th, 2007|
|no flowers grow
Found my soul,
Beneath a stone,
Where it lies,
No flowers grow,
Found my heart,
Upon a hill,
Yet me veins,
Are empty still,
Found my eyes,
So far apart,
No light to shine,
It’s far too dark,
Come to me,
You’ll come to see,
Down am I,
You’ll pass me by,
Found my soul,
Beneath a stone,
Where it lies,
No flowers grow,
|Sunday, December 24th, 2006|
|Religous War Video Game
So I just heard on the news that a video came out by the creaters of the "Left Behind" books. It's a war based game that gives you points for praying instead of killing, and you can be "redeemed" if you pray after you DO kill someone, and you go around "recruiting" people. They justify it as a "positive non violent game" because there's no blood and the good guys are christians; even though there is no way to get through the game WITHOUT killing. People are outraged at it, saying that it's sending "the wrong message about christianity". But I think it's a pretty accurate depiction of the american religious a.k. christian mentality. The concept that you can do whatever you want regardless of intent, motive or justification, so long as you ask for "forgiveness" in the end. I think people are seeing the basic principles of their preachings depicted in a fashion that's realistic towards it's impact and are for the first time realizing the pure absurdity of it, and the negative effects it can, has, and is having on the world around us. If the game offends them, maybe they should take a harder look at their religion and what they preach. I personally think the game is retarded just for the sake that it is what it is; a violent video game supporting cultural rapage justified by a christian god.
just for fun, here's a reminder of the 10 commandments of the very scripture these assholes are preaching...
1: Have no other God (nothing is more worshiped in our society than television, which is full of false idols; ie, movie stars)
2: Don't take the lord's name in vain (respect for god. which also means, don't use god as a weapon or leverage for your own agendas)
3: Keep holy the Sabbath Day (not just going to church for sake of going, but taking this time to study your faith, not just listening to some asshole tell you what to think)
4: Honor your Mother and Father (respect your parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, and all family. According to the christians, we are all brothers and sisters. respect each other, everyone, we are all human beings, regardless of color, creed or social status)
5: THOU SHALT NOT KILL (need it be explained? Considering more people have been killed in the name of God than by any other reason, I suppose so. There are no "ifs", "ands" or "buts" here. If you think that the only way to enforce your religion is by means of force and killing, than take a page out of Gandhi's book. Which brings up another point. Couldn't you just pray? Or have you no faith in your own religion that you think prayer isn't sufficient enough, that you have to go kill in order to feel safe.)
6: Thou shalt not commit adultery (considering that 7 out of 10 marriages involve adultery, and that christianity is the leading religion in our society...christians don't read their scriptures very well)
7: Thou shalt not steal (look at our society. You have rich. Middle class. Poor. Rich take and take and take. Middle class works and works and works. Poor, works, volunteers, whatever. Why do the rich stay rich? Because they give nothing back, and they look for every way to save a dollar. Self gratification. Self preservation. It's funny when you see an SUV or 80k $$ car with a bumper sticker WWJD. Jesus. A poor man who took nothing and gave everything. WWJD? nothing americans are doing, I'll tell you that much.)
8: Thou shalt not bear false witness (Be honest. This includes bullshit. Just because you hide it from your parents, or from others, and no one ever finds out about it, doesn't make it right. Don't deny facts when presented them. Don't make up facts. This includes science. You can't dismiss dinosaurs people, they existed, deal with it._
9: Thou shalt not covet your neighbors wife (but she's really hot! no really, accept the fact that we are mammals and have urges. learn to control yourself and don't suppress your very nature. We're all attracted to what we're attracted to, and that doesn't ever change. If you can recognize this as simply a carnal desire, we can control it, and be faithful without temptation. If you can't control yourself, than that's a weakness you should address now, because it's an insecurity within yourself only you can fix. It's all in your head. No one ever makes you cheat, you only let yourself cheat, and thus, there is never an excuse for it.)
10:Thou shalt not covet your neighbor's goods (heh heh. this is my favorite, because NO christian does this :) Think about it. What DID Jesus do? he walked around, gave, took nothing in return, preached to do the same. What do christians do? Use god as justification to kill, pillage and gain fiscal power, social status, personal wealth, all the while thanking god for giving them these cultural gifts. The same god that tells them NOT to take for yourself, to not own anything, to give back. If we all owned nothing, no one would be without, and there would never be a reason for war, and there would never be hunger, poverty, or sickness. You know what else this is? Communism. :) Hah! Don't validate yourself as a christian because you feel blessed with material goods. Your god doesn't want you to be rich, or to have these items. Having them is against him. "the meek shall inherit the earth". in other words, this is a god that shines on poor people. Not the rich. Whos the riches country in the world? The christian one? A little ironic hypocrisy going on here. heh. so there!
and please. If you're going to quote anything from the bible, quote Luke 6:37 "Judge not, ye shall not be judged. Condemn not, ye shall not be condemned. Forgive, and ye shall be forgiven." What does that mean? No matter what your personal belief's or interpretations of the bible, it's not your place to pass judgment or point your finger. Love each and everyone, pray for understanding their faults and not the condemnation of them, and forgive their shortcomings. For we all have our own life experiences influencing our decisions and ways of thinking, we all have our faults and forms of selfishness. It doesn't matter if someone is gay, bi, black, white, fat, skinny, purple or pink, because by the very same "word" that christians use to chastise is also the same "word" that says that their god created everyone they way god wanted them. So who are you to judge? Homosexuality is not a choice someone makes, it's who they are, which means if you believe in the christian god, you should eulogize anyone who stands up for who they are, despite the social criticisms. Being who you are, in a christian view, is being how god made you, and standing up for that is more righteous than those blindly going to church out of obligation rather than desire. Basically, be honest, be kind, love, never judge, and always have an open mind and heart to customs and people of all shapes, colors, and types.
Heh...oh yeah, merry christmas! LOL :)
|Wednesday, December 20th, 2006|
Hey, I wanna maybe put this idea together, what do you think? Please read...( Read more...Collapse )
|Saturday, December 16th, 2006|
here comes the anger again...creeping in...yup...there it is...frustration...leading to....aggravation...leading to....yup.....homicidal impulses....god fucking damnit, why things just not be stressed the fuck out, I wish I could kick someones ass into comprehension, but I don't that would even work...
|Friday, December 15th, 2006|
|no school...more school...career decisions
Yeay for no more school! A whopping month before I have to put my brain back in my head, so I'll just keep it on the floor board of my car for now :) I am looking at my potential schedule for next semester, eh. I'll be in school ALL day on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but I'll be in Digital Painting and Film Editing (again), so, can't complain :) I'm hoping to take only one more class for those mornings, so I will only have to be at school two days a week. That way I could work more and have more free time. I found out today that it's pretty much impossible for me to get that job at Thundervalley, cause I need AT LEAST one year of experience dealing. I have a little over 4 months, so, eh. Aw well. With the Gi-bill I'm fine. I am looking for another job though, I need more dough. Heh, Jamie and I are entertaining the idea of taking a dance class this semester, that'd be cool. I can't dance, so lessons are a must if ever I wanna dance, plus it'd be fun. only problem is we wanna do Ballroom, but it conflicts with my editing class :/ so, that sucks. I SHOULD take like an english or history class, but those are SO BORING, I dread the thought. I'm also going to start looking in at an internship at a production studio of some sort, learning the ins and outs of the editing business. This editing class has perked my interest in the field and I want to start working towards it. I wish I could bypass the bullshit college process, it seems so trite and bogus, a waist of god damn time. The military screwed me over, I'm four years behind. I'm at the point in my life where I wanna be going down my career path, not hanging out at a community college cutting out colorful pieces of construction paper for a statistics class I LOATH with the very essence of my being with a group of kids that graduated high school last year. AWW!! If I can get a couple of years of experience in the real world production industry and get a portfolio, or a Reel as they call it, made up, I could do freelance editing and make a very respectable living. There was one job I saw for an editing position that required 5 years of experience, a Reel, and a webpage of your stuff, and it was only for two weeks at 500 dollars a day, every day. That's $7000 for two weeks of work. Not bad at all! and if I go from job to job like that, which there are plenty of, shit, I'd be sitting pretty! But I gotta get that 5 years of experience in, which means I gotta start now, cause in 5 years...I'll be 29....yikes. 30 years old and in the industry, that'd be fine by me :) And who knows, I might end up working for DreamWorks, editing an M. Night Shyamalan film, shooting the breeze with Danny Elfman on break rendering his score into the film....which would be awesome....win an academy award for dork of the year and BAMB! LOL, yeah, well....it's a thought :) Current Mood: content